Top 11 Reasons Jimmy Carter Wants to Close Gulag Guantanamo

11. Al Qaeda is using it to recruit all kinds of new members – if we release all of the detainees, they won’t have to recruit so many.
10. The camp offers detainees insufficient protection against the especially fierce Cuban Killer Swamp Rabbit.
9. Fidel could put the space to better use holding dissidents and homosexuals.
8. Calling for your country to shut down a Gulag has to be worth another Nobel Peace Prize.
7. If it is not shut down, sooner or later his friend Michael Moore will end up there.
6. It would screw Halliburton.
5. Answer to the question: “What Would Jacques Do?”
4. Jimmy Buffet called on his cell phone and suggested that Gitmo’s location would be perfect for a Margaritaville Cafe.
3. Amy is worried about Koran desecration proliferation.
2. With all of those pretty Cuban senoritas around, the detainees are in constant danger of developing lust in their hearts.
1. Because he’s Jimmy Carter and that’s what he does.