Top 11 Gulag Guantanamo Atrocities

11. Not even basic flight training is offered.
10. Only white wine is served – even on filet mignon night.
9. Detainees were denied absentee ballots for the Iraq, Afghanistan, and American elections.
8. Toilets are so large and powerful they disturb the detainees’ naps when flushed.
7. Bars on the windows distract from the ocean views.
6. While guards have high speed internet connections, detainees are allowed only dial-up.
5. Interrogators sometimes break regulations and raise their voices.
4. Too few decent trowels are available.
3. Not enough Jimmy Carter inspection visits.
2. Detainees are denied the right to have a Koran printed up in their own blood.
1. Not enough sand.