Top 11 Reasons the French Rejected the EU Constitution

The Nihilist’s list of our top 11 objects of ridicule highlighted one of our major shortcomings: we‘ve been derelict in ridiculing the French. To help rectify the situation, we present the Top 11 Reasons the French Rejected the EU Constitution.

11. Capitalism is merely hobbled, not outlawed.
10. The proposed Constitution contains no explicit right to keep and bear cheese.
9. Because of the confusing ballot, many of those voting against the Constitution thought they were actually voting for Pat Buchanan.
8. The document fails to make French the official language of Europe.
7. Voters were insulted that the phrase “cheese eating surrender monkeys” appears in the Constitution 427 times.
6. The requirement that all EU citizens bathe at least once a year was considered unreasonable.
5. Document is not sufficiently anti-American and anti-Israeli, so it must be a neo-con plot.
4. French politicians are not guaranteed freedom from prosecution.
3. The right to be rude is not explicitly guaranteed
2. The clause changing the color of the surrender flag from white to yellow outraged French traditionalists.
1. Jerry Lewis is not named King of European Union Comedy.