Tuesday, May 24, 2005

A New Wrinkle?

Many have wondered why Nick Coleman is such a bitter old crank. I have begun to look for clues to solve the mystery. I started my mission today in the column of his second and current wife, Laura Billings.

Laura reveals a bit of herself in her column today, perhaps too much of herself. She devotes her column to the role suntan lotion plays in her life. Apparently it is too little too late:

The 20-something woman at the cosmetics counter who, upon examining my crow's feet, announced, "Of course, people in your generation tanned with baby oil. That is, like, sooo bad for you."

Yet, in spite of all this advice, I'm about as good about wearing sunblock as I am about flossing. Which is to say, not good at all.

Timeout for a note from the American Dental Association's official web site:

If you don't brush and floss daily, particles of food remain in the mouth, collecting bacteria, which can cause bad breath. Food that collects between the teeth, on the tongue and around the gums can rot, leaving an unpleasant odor.

Yikes! The Fraters always said Nick had traded the old wife in for a young trophy bride. By her own admission, his trophy is wrinkly and likely has halitosis.

Developing. . .


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