Top 11 Hillary Clinton Excuses For Coming In Third At The Iowa Caucuses

11. That bitch, Oprah

10. Iowa farmers were intimidated by her superior knowledge of cattle futures

9. Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich drew off too much of the kook vote

8. Iowans prefer more genuine and experienced candidates like Edwards and Obama

7. What do you expect in a patriarchal society where women only earn 53% of the vote that men do?

6. Hillary’s Iowa supporters were disproportionately Kansas Jayhawk fans who stayed home to watch the Orange Bowl

5. You can't plant voters like you can questioners

4. Attractive female campaign workers spent all day with Bill in a closed-door strategy session and didn't get out the vote

3. Edwards siphoned off too much of the “pretty hair” vote

2. She failed to secure the powerful RT Rybak endorsement

1. Iowa isn’t really much of a caucus state, anyway