Top 11 Ways To Win Back The Wealthy To The Republican Party

The Elder notes a problem that I’ve been worried about for quite some time: the Republican Party seems to be losing the wealthy to the Democratic Party. It is time to win back the mega-rich like Al Franken, Mike Ceresi, George Soros, John Edwards, etc. to the party of Hairy Backed Swamp Developers (and Nihilists in Golf Pants). Here are the Top 11 ways to win them back:

11. Free $400 hair cuts for all Presidential candidates

10. Drop the whole "tort reform" nonsense

9. Require automakers to produce hybrid limos

8. Enough carbon offsets for ten round trips New York-Paris to all Democrats with private jets who switch parties

7. Assistance in African adoptions

6. Nominate Bono to succeed Paul Wolfowitz at the World Bank

5. Make latte the official national drink

4. Call for strict gun control with an exception for bodyguards

3. Build security fence around Upper Manhattan to restrict flow of tunnel people

2. Amnesty for undocumented trophy wives

1. Make back-dating stock options a Constitutional right