Top 11 Requirements of the New Immigration Bill

11. Illegals granted the right to vote for John McCain in the Republican primary

10. Official language of USA changed to Spanish

9. California to be renamed "Newer Mexico"

8. George Steinbrenner will have the authority to bestow citizenship on anyone he wants

7. No border fence will be erected, but if an alien steps on a crack in the sidewalk marking the border, they break their mothers back

6. Foreign soccer players will never be considered celebrities

5. Eckernet declared to be hate speech

4. Phil Collins awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his inspiring rendition of "Illegal Alien"

3. Al-Qada operatives urged to register with department of immigration

2. Corona beer declared to be urine-free

1. All sides agree any negative impact from this bill to be blamed on George W. Bush