Monday, January 30, 2006

Top 11 Quotes I’d Like to Hear in the State of the Union Address

11. “I demand the President of Iran step down because his name is too hard to pronounce.”

10. “I have instructed the Justice Department to launch a full investigation into why referees always screw over Minnesota sports teams.”

9. “Let us never forget how we felt after the Reichstag fire....I mean 9/11”

8. “Because of her impressive record and the fact that she is beloved by millions, I will pardon Oprah for recommending that fraudulent book by James Frey.”

7. “I will request immediate UN Sanctions on Air America Minnesota for producing weapons of mass destruction in their basement.”

6. “There will be an increase in Halliburton's dividend payment.”

5. “I hereby announce that I am suspending the Bill of Rights until further notice.” (Pause) “Just kiddin'.”

4. “The Patriot Act will be amended to make rooting for the Everton football club a crime punishable by torture at Guantanamo”

3. “I do question the patriotism (to the United States of America, anyway) of any Democrat opposing the war in Iraq.”

2. “I am troubled that the Senate Democratic caucus includes former KKK Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd.”

1. “Hey Democrats...how's it feel to keep getting your ass kicked by a ‘dummy’?”

2 Comments:

Blogger hammerswing75 said...

Sisyphus, you just got rooked. Hugh reads your list on the air and everybody's going to think Nihilist is the one who's unhinged. Unless of course that's a good thing?

6:38 PM  
Blogger Dan S. said...

You were also censored, Sisyphus. Hugh changed "ass" to "butt" for #1.

9:42 PM  

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