Top 11 Reasons John Kerry Wants to Filibuster Samuel Alito’s Nomination to the Supreme Court

11. Is jealous that Alito had better than a C average in college

10. Everyone he talks to at Davos wants a filibuster

9. Worries that Alito will turn back the clock when daylight savings time ends

8. Wasn’t amused that Alito wore flip-flops to their meeting

7. Feels he doesn’t look sufficiently French

6. Believes that the founding fathers meant for the runner-up to have veto power over the President’s Supreme Court nominees

5. Alito looks suspiciously like the C.I.A agent he ran into Cambodia

4. Felt that Alito should have been more forthcoming in his answers to the “American Idol” questions

3. Senator Kerry has been in favor filibusters ever since he learned that they mean he gets to talk a lot

2. Alito showed him up by correctly stating that the Packers play at Lambeau Field

1. Is troubled that his name is so similar to “Scalia”