Friday, January 20, 2006

Top 11 Ideas for Beefing up the Ratings of Geena Davis’ TV Show “Commander in Chief”

Our good friend, John Podhoretz, notes in the Corner that Geena Davis’ TV show “Commander in Chief” is struggling in the ratings. We here at Nihilist in Golf Pants would hate to see it get cancelled, so we offer (free of charge) our top 11 ideas for beefing up the show’s ratings:

11. President Geena is kidnapped by radical Republican terrorists, but the Speaker of the House calls in his son, Jack Bauer, to rescue her.

10. The President accidentally makes two dates for the State of the Union speech. Not wanting to hurt either's feelings, she tries to bring them both without the other finding out.

9. President Geena is talked into wearing a thong bikini for an entire week to help promote America’s thong bikini industry.

8. Controversy ensues when the President nominates Paris Hilton to the Supreme Court.

7. While on a fishing trip in Georgia, President Geena is attacked by a killer swamp rabbit.

6. President Geena takes a second job at a candy manufacturing plant, but the production line moves too fast for her.

5. After winning a professional cheerleading competition, the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders are invited to the White House – only there is a controversial disruption in the restroom.

4. Natalie Portman is appointed to a new cabinet position: Secretary of Thongs

3. Controversy embroils the White House when a television network broadcasts a series about a female President and chooses a washed up, B-movie grade actress to play the lead.

2. President Geena's nose is broken by a wayward football thrown by the Attorney General on the eve of a big press conference.

1. The First Man leaves President Geena for a gay cowboy.

4 Comments:

Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

President Geena pretends to be married to a wacky neighbor, who told his parents that he was married.

The vice-president overhears President Geena's plans to adopt a puppy and misunderstands the partial conversation to think she is pregnant.

1:47 PM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

Babs Streisand is brought on to play herself as the new Secretary of State.

Michael Moore makes a documentary purporting that President Geena is the love child of George H. W. Bush and Margaret Thatcher. The President kicks Michael Moore in the balls.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Doug said...

President Geena joins an all-girl softball team. Madonna and Rosie O'Donnel guest star.

A very special Commander in Chief: The First Husband struggles to overcome a debilitating secret addiction to Canadian prescription drugs, while an unknowing President Geena battles Big Pharma and Big Insurance on Capitol Hill.

2:18 PM  
Blogger pinkmonkeybird said...

President Geena notices a hot, Birkenstock-wearing intern played by Monica Lewinski and the two meet at a cognac and cigar bar for a date.

Wait a minute....that could never happen. This show has jumped the shark.

7:22 PM  

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