Thursday, January 19, 2006

Top 11 Highlights of the New Osama Bin Laden Tape

11. Outraged that Bush would wiretap him without a warrant

10. Is “troubled’ by the Alito nomination

9. Issued a fatwa banning Chad the Elder from playing hockey

8. Wholeheartedly endorses the McCain anti-Torture Amendment

7. Wants to know where he can get his hands on a Brokeback Mountain bootleg DVD

6. Denied ever being a member of ZZ Top

5. Regrets that Bush made him kill Cindy Sheehan’s son

4. Warns the producers of “24” not to portray Muslims as terrorists

3. Upset that people keep saying that he’s dead

2. Threatened more terrorist attacks unless Fox agrees to broadcast another season of “The Simple Life”

1. Wants Jimmy Carter to negotiate a truce

3 Comments:

Blogger LearnedFoot said...

12. Comes out in favor of Caliphite-wide smoking ban.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Republicanpundit said...

13. Asks Democrats to claim defeat in Iraq, having not kept up with the latest news. They already have.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Leo Pusateri said...

Says he would like to get together with Murtha, for coffee.. sometime after he levels Chicago with a suitcase bomb.

9:54 PM  

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