Monday, November 28, 2005

A Time to Cut and Run – A Novel by Senator Joe Biden

NOTE: Not surprisingly, Barbara Boxer’s recent novel, A Time to Run, has spurred other Senators to attempt to imitate her success. We have obtained an advance copy of Senator Joe Biden’s upcoming novel, “A Time to Cut and Run” and excerpt it here:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,
we were all going direct to Heaven,
we were all going direct the other way,
our military presence in Iraq was the only guarantor against a total breakdown,
our military presence in Iraq was increasingly counterproductive.

Whatever the season, Senator Jack Guiden was the man for it. As a man of war, he had earned two Purple Hearts and the Silver Star of Honor commanding a battalion of M-1 tanks at the Tet Delta during the Vietnam War. As a man of peace he had been the only Senator to question the phony intelligence used by President Adolf C. Himp and Vice President Hal Burton to justify the Iraq War. As a decorated veteran serving in the United States Senate in time of war, he alone had the moral authority to call for cutting, to call for running.

Jack was deeply touched by his meeting earlier that morning with a group of mothers who had lost sons in Iraq and now wanted to see all troops brought home. Jack admired their courage, for he knew first hand the pain of having ones patriotism questioned by a President and Vice President who had avoided service by hiding in Canada until they were granted amnesty by President Carter. Jack had little influence with the administration and could offer the peace mothers little but his pledge to fight on. They left inspired by his passion and more than a little smitten by his senatorial good looks.

Such is the busy life of a Senator that Jack had little time to dry his eyes before tackling the next crisis. The President had recently nominated his out of the mainstream crony, Roman Vito Benedictito, to the Supreme Court. Many of Jack’s constituents were worried that Benedictito would turn back the clock on a women’s right to choose you know what (you know what I mean – don’t make me type it).

Jack whirled the Benedictito nomination around in the tilt-a-whirl of his mind. He could not allow President Himp and Vice President Burton to pack the court with extremists. But what could he do as a member of the minority party? Then it struck like the apple on Einstein’s head. Jack reached for his copy of the Senate rules and paged his way to the Fs. Himp-Burton would never know what hit them. He allowed himself a smile as he rolled up his sleeves for the coming battle.

NOTE: The next section consists entirely of the complete script to “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”. Let’s just skip to the end:

The very single Senator Jack Guiden lost himself in the admiring eyes of the single, consenting adult super-model lying satisfied next to him. “Oh, Senator Jack,” she moaned, “I could have anyone, but I only want you! Not only have you convinced the rest of Congress that it is time to cut and run from Iraq, but your filibuster of Roman Benedictito has saved the clock from being turned back, and now I find that you’re the best lover I’ve ever had!”

Senator Jack smiled and said, “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”


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