Top 11 Better Threats Helen Thomas Could Make to Keep Dick Cheney from Running for President

Helen Thomas has threatened to kill herself if Dick Cheney runs for President. Presumably she made this threat in an effort to DISCOURAGE Dick Cheney from running. Here are the top 11 better threats she could have made if her true goal is to keep Dick Cheney from running for Presient:

11. Threaten to wear only a KAR thong at every Cheney campaign appearance.
10. Threaten to buy a KAR thong for Molly Ivins.
9. Pledge to pose for a Playboy spread.
8. Pledge to start living a healthier lifestyle in attempt to live to one hundred.
7. Threaten all Republican voters with a big smooch.
6. Announce that she will take a job at Hooters.
5. Threaten to wear a KAR thong at all White House press briefings.
4. Announce that she will appear on “Real World, Austin” in a KAR thong.
3. Threaten to break up Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
2. Threaten to release the video from her honeymoon with Tommy Lee.
1. Don’t make her play the KAR thong card.