Monday, July 11, 2005

Born on 9/11: A Film Treatment by Oliver Stone

EDITOR’S NOTE: We have obtained an early film treatment for Oliver Stone’s upcoming 9/11 film from an anonynous source at Paramount Studios. We will never give up our source even if ordered to do so by a court of law (but all bets are off if the judge threatens to send us to one of the scarier prisons).

Put your mind at ease, I don’t do propaganda; this will not be a George W. Bush approved patriotic jingoistic rah-rah-rah Top Gun II kind of a film. I will not take the simplistic view. I will begin by examining the motivations of the 9/11 insurgents. The film will open with the Supreme Court selecting George W. Bush to be President in 2000. I will show how the stealing of the election by the son of the man who invaded Iraq transformed a group of peace loving students of the Koran into 9/11 insurgents (don’t worry I will make it clear that they had no connection to Saddam Hussein). I will show how they were exposed to incessant anti-Muslim discrimination and were constantly shocked by decadence of the strip clubs they frequented.

Don’t get the wrong idea; I will be plenty hard on the insurgents. I will strongly criticize them for targeting New York City and Washington D.C., places where George W. Bush is despised, rather than say, Alabama.

Next: the destruction of the buildings. I will show an investment banker rhapsodizing on the joys of greed just before his office erupts into a cauldron of fire and brimstone. I will balance this with sadder scenes of oppressed members of the underclass tragically caught in the crossfire.

I will follow the rescue efforts through the eyes of an idealistic young police recruit assigned to help evacuate the towers. He will be horrified when a senior police sergeant begins massacring Muslim-Americans trapped in the tower. Later in the film, he will “frag” the sergeant and police captain who did nothing to stop the atrocity.

The key romantic subplot of the movie will be Mayor Giuliani’s homosexual affair with Bernard Kerik, which will be touchingly portrayed with class and dignity.

I will then move on to the aftermath. I will view the investigation through the all too fictitious eyes of a crusading district attorney. He will show that it would be physically impossible for one airplane, not to mention two, to thread through the buildings of lower Manhattan and strike the World Trade Center Towers. He will thoroughly discredit the “magic airplane” theory and expose the 9/11 commission as lackeys covering up for the President. He will then shine the light of truth on the conspirators who duped the poor Muslims into making the attack. I have not yet decided on who these conspirators will be, but they will probably be some combination of the mafia, Halliburton, Karl Rove, the CIA, the FBI, the Mossad, the Chamber of Commerce, Diebold, the Religious Right, anti-Castro Cuban-Americans, and of course the Texas connection of George H. W. Bush, Jerry Jones, and Lady Bird Johnson.

This film may be too nuanced for Red America, but think of the money to be made in the more sophisticated European and Middle Eastern markets!


Blogger GirlSpeak! said...

(Using my company's blogger account). Though a democratic idiot with no sense of anything but cynical acceptance, I found your film treatment helpful for the construction of mine. My blog is at and I would appreciate it if you dropped me a line to help me out with my crazy endeavor. You see, I might just be the youngest scriptwriter to ever enter a national (Philippines) indie film competiotion. Help!

Your Cynical Optimist,
Nightshade of "The Nightshade Diaries" (

6:36 AM  

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