Thursday, January 13, 2005

Nerds on the Net

I realize that a blog post accusing someone else of nerdish behavior is akin to throwing stones in a glass house, but please indulge me. I had planned a year-end post issuing blog awards, but canned it for a variety of reasons. Mainly, no matter how many times I reworked it, it just wasn't the high quality writing that Nihilist fans have come to demand.

However, there was one gem in the discarded verbiage that deserves to see the light of day. The award was the "Dudley 'Booger' Dawson Award for the Biggest Nerd on the Internet." Sorry, Powerline fans, they can't win every award. Besides, our winner makes Scott Johnson looks as hip as Samuel L. Jackson.

Jump the Shark is a web site devoted to determining the precise time that any television show peaks, then heads downhill, eventually becoming cliched and unwatchable. It does this via reader survey. For instance, if you like the show "24", you can see what others think about it. Most will offer a variety of opinions, it "jumped" (read fell from its apex) on day 1, never, or the episode where Terri got amnesia or the episode where Kim was attacked by a mountain lion. JTS tallies the responses. Sometimes, posters don't focus on the "jumping" moment, but use the site to foist their theories about the show on its readers.

Our winner is one of those posters. From a comment about the early 1980's kitsch-fest Fantasy Island:

But more important is this issue of Rourke's divinity. My doctoral thesis is "The Christology of Ricardo Montalban's Mr. Rourke- archetype or archangel" Just who Mr. Rourke was and what his character implied has given rise to numerous theories, let's look at just a few. As one sharker alluded to, why is an obviously Latin male -a traditionally religious type, no less- given such an obscure name? What was his full name, and why is that never (to my knowledge) revealed? Notice his clothing, white and black, the colors of good and evil, not to mention of several denominations' clergy from around the world, in different religions. Rourke always seems to know more than he's letting on, but suggests his power is limited. Yet he always shows up and somehow "saves" his guests, their lives or states of mind by teaching them a lesson if not always giving them a happy ending. His home is a type of Paradise. Don't forget, however, in the Satan episode where the devil reveals himself -after Rourke has tricked him- and says, "Damn you, Rourke!" Rourke replies simply, "Isn't that what you've been trying to do?" On the surface, this would suggest Rourke is merely human like the rest of us, trying to stay away from evil and temptation. But on an exegesic level, even Jesus was tempted numerous times in the devil's attempt to "damn" Christ. It is not out of the range of possibility Mr. Rourke was representative of Jesus Christ specifically more so than "God." The name "Rourke" itself is close to being an anagram of "Christ." More than one episode dealt with the demonic. My view is there was no single conclusion to be drawn. (Emphasis mine.)

Where to begin? This bozo writes a doctoral thesis on Fantasy Island and can't reach a conclusion! Unfortunately, JTS doesn't give a like to identify who posted, so I don't know who to present with this award. However, anyone who thinks that "Rourke" is an anagram of "Christ" might just have DUMBASS Tatooed on their forehead.


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