Saturday, May 16, 2015

Top 11 Benefits of the Star Tribune Buying the City Pages

It’s old news, but that seems appropriate given the players.  The monopoly mainstream newspaper in Minneapolis bought out the leading alternative news weekly, the City Pages.

What could possibly go wrong?  Frankly, it sounds like a fantastic idea to us, and here are the top 11 predicted benefits of this big media consolidation.

11) "Savage Love" column to be co-authored by Sid Hartman

10)  Can more fairly present both sides of controversial political issues in Minnesota, that of the Democrats and that of the communists

9)  Create natural synergy between most widely read sections of each, the obituaries section and the adult escort/massage ads

8)  Increase in already dominant market share makes for more effective platform from which to condemn corporations and big business

7)   Eliminate the middle man between those writing articles supporting deviant sexual practices, and those attacking the critics of articles supporting deviant sexual practices

6)  Introduce a younger, more vibrant demographic to the magic of Lori Sturdevent

5)  Double the manpower on investigations of Michelle Bachmann's radical Lutheranism

4)   If you already own the Minnesota Timberwolves and Star Tribune, owning the City Pages is not really that much more embarrassing

3)   Star Tribune now has direct access to editorial templates in case it too wants to endorse armed revolution, shooting Republicans, and/or the use of crystal meth

2)  Will finally allow the Star Tribune to strip Nihilist in Golf Pants of the 2006 Best Blog (Right Wing) in the Cities award

1) More efficient future bankruptcy filings as a combined effort


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