Miss Scarlett, In the DNC, With the Microphone

Sources tell me that Scarlett Johansson planned to do a take-off on Clint Eastwood's empty chair speech.  The run-through didn't go so well:

Johansson: Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you
very much. 

(APPLAUSE)

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, what's an actress here? The answer is that I had to sleep with a lot of people to get this spot.  Rahm, you are really freaky, and I don't mean that in a good way.

(POINTS TO EMPTY CHAIR)
So I -- so I've got Mr. Romney sitting here. And he's -- I was going to ask him a couple of questions. But -- you know about -- I remember a week ago, when Mr. Romney won his party's nomination. And though I was not a big supporter, I was watching that night when he was having that thing and they were talking about tax cuts for the rich and gutting Medicare. Then I found out that there is 23 million unemployed people in this country, all because of Bain Capital.
   
(APPLAUSE)
   
Now that is something to cry for because that is a disgrace, a national disgrace, and we haven't done enough, obviously -- Bain Capital hasn't done enough to cure that. Whenever interest they have is not strong enough, and I think possibly now it maybe time for these rich people to go away so we can solve the problem.

(APPLAUSE)

So, Mr. Romney, Why do you want the rich people to get tax breaks and why don't any of them pay taxes? I mean, what do you say to people? Do you just -- you know -- I know -- people were wondering -- you don't -- handle that OK.
Why, won't you close Gitmo?-- what do you mean Obama doesn't even support closing Gitmo?
   
(CONFUSED LAUGHTER)
   
OK, I thought maybe it was just because somebody had the great idea of trying terrorists in downtown New York City.
   
(APPLAUSE)
   
I've got to to hand it to you. I have to give credit where credit is due.    I know you were  responsible for the war in Iraq, and the war in Afghanistan. Why didn't you check with the Russians to see how did it -- they did there for 10 years before you committed us to that war.
   
(APPLAUSE)
And I thought -- I thought, yeah -- what do you mean you were not a part of government when that war started?

(CONFUSED APPLAUSE)
   
So anyway, we're going to have -- we're going to have to have a little chat about that. And then, I just wondered, all these promises -- I wondered about when the -- what do you want me to tell
Hollywood? I can't tell them to do that. I can't tell them to be fair.
   
(APPLAUSE)
   
You're crazy, you're absolutely crazy. You're getting as bad as Hitler.
   
(APPLAUSE)
Rich people are evil!

(APPLAUSE)

Yes, I made $20 million for my role in "The Avengers." But that is different! I am an actor, and actors reflect truth to society.  I think it would be a good idea for an actor to be the president.
   
(CONFUSED APPLAUSE)
OK, well anyway. All right, I'm sorry.  Ronald who?

(APPLAUSE)
   
I would just like to say something, ladies and gentlemen. Something that I think is very important. It is that, you, we -- we belong to this government.
   
(APPLAUSE)

And -- so -- it's time for us to come around and beg for votes every few years. It is the same old deal. But I just think it is important that you realize , that Republicans have not done the job, we
got to let them go.
   
(APPLAUSE)
What do you mean Obama's been President for 43 months!  If that were true, unemployment wouldn't be so high and the economy wouldn't be so crappy.