Top 11 Questions For Miss USA Contestants

11. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

10. What are those, D's?

9. How do you resolve the contradictions inherent in the Augustinian just war doctrine and the coronation of Charlemagne by Pope Leo III?

8. What sacrifices are you prepared to order others to make in the name of stopping man made climate change?

7. When will the producers of the Miss USA pageant get over their prudish, puritanical hang-ups and finally allow thong bikinis in competition?

6. Would you like to meet Mr. Trump?

5. If the Prime Directive is so important, how come Captain Kirk violates it in every episode of Star Trek?

4. Are you now or have you ever been a right-wing extremist?

3. Does anybody really give a flying crap what Perez Hilton thinks about anything?

2. How many innocents would you condemn to death in order to stop a terrorist attack?

1. Can you explain how everyone who doesn't blindly follow my pet liberal ideology is an unenlightened cretin?