Top 11 Things Scientists Are Way More Than 90% Certain Of

Boston Globe columnist Ellen Goodman wrote in her latest column on Global Warming:
“The certainty of the human role is now somewhere over 90 percent. Which is about as certain as scientists ever get.”

Untrue, Ellen, unture. There are plenty of things that scientists are way more than 90% certain of. Here are the top 11:

11. The more you know about physics the more chicks will dig you

10. Professional wrestling is staged

9. Albert Einstein had sex with Marilyn Monroe. Albert Einstein did not comb his hair. Therefore, if I don’t comb my hair, I can have sex with someone like Marilyn Monroe.

8. All Liberal Arts majors are stupid

7. Bill Gates is over-rated because he’s such a pretty boy

6. Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband is not the father Anna Nicole Smith’s baby

5. Brooklyn is not the fifth largest city in America because it is not a separate city, but part of New York City

4. Troy Williamson will never be a competent NFL wide receiver

3. “Revenge of the Nerds” is the greatest movie ever made

2. Pamela Anderson would be much happier if she would stop chasing after musicians and settle down with a nice Climatology professor

1. The world would be a better place if only people would listen to science experts