Top 11 Reasons the Pentagon Has Rejected Nancy Pelosi’s Request for a C-32 Military Jet

11. Afraid she would use it to fly tuna from American Samoa to San Francisco for Starkist

10. Pelosi was insisting on painting the plane purple and hiring Snoop Dogg as pilot

9. Worried about "the children" spilling food on the plane's good furniture

8. Military is currently using all available jets to strafe war protesters and suppress dissent

7. The last time they let a Democrat use a C-32, Barney Frank let his roommate turn it into a flying brothel

6. Air Force One still smells like Bill Clinton

5. They were a little weirded-out by her rabid insistence that Bill Oefelein be made her pilot

4. All C-32s currently being used for junkets by Halliburton execs

3. Learned that she planned to retro-fit the plane with an engine that runs on aborted fetuses

2. Pentagon leadership thinks it's funny to subject her to the humiliation of having to land in Middle America

1. Overheard her commenting about bombing Utah back to the Stone Age