Saturday, March 12, 2005

Top 11 Reasons it would be a Bad Idea for the Kool Aid Report to Join the Nuclear Club

Yesterday, the Kool Aid Report got into a little trouble by threatening to nuke a local media star. They quickly retracted the threat and denied that they even had nuclear weapons. I’d love to believe that denial, but the likes of Israel have long denied having a nuclear capability, but everyone knows that they have one. I pray that KAR’s denial is not in the same vein. Here are the top 11 reasons it would be a bad idea for KAR to have nukes:

11. Some of my neighbors write really moronic letters to the editor.
10. It would be all too easy for Al Qaeda to break into Learned Foot’s garage and steal the nuke.
9. It is not a good idea to store nukes in the vicinity of young children.
8. Sure we can trust V-Toed Bill and Learned Foot, but the nuke could eventually fall into Dementee’s hands.
7. KAR made a solemn promise to Jimmy Carter and Madeline Albright that they would use their nuclear reactor only for peaceful purposes.
6. Bogus Gold and the M.A.W.B. Squad would re-double their own nuclear efforts.
5. KAR might eventually succumb to temptation and nuke the Star Tribune building. Not only would thousands be killed, but the Metrodome would also be destroyed, thus increasing the calls for a new publicly financed stadium.
4. The blast would also destroy a very expensive train.
3. How can the State Department tell Iran that a nuclear weapons program is wrong when even our bloggers have one?
2. If everyone were to nuke someone just because they disagree with their politics, the United States would soon become a radioactive wasteland.
1. Threatening to nuke people is not very Christian.


Anonymous Kevin said...

Truly a classic post.

I might also point out that a nuclear KAR might embolden liberals to redouble their efforts at an assualt weapons ban.

1:45 PM  
Blogger The Notorious B.I.L. said...

Ours never worked. I thought the guy said it was 'plutonium,' but it turns out he sold me 'Immodium.'

3:23 PM  
Anonymous The Night Writer said...

Actually, #5 on the list is impossible. The Strib has posted signs on their doors stating: "The StarTribune bans nuclear and other weapons of mass destruction from these premises." The lettering appears to be of legal size, so I don't know why they think they still have any reason to feel concerned.

1:50 PM  

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