Saturday, January 01, 2005

Top 11 Ways to Become Wealthy

I’ve heard from many of you: “Okay, I’m convinced; it’s good and honorable to be rich, but how do I go about becoming rich?”

Good question. Here are my top 11 ways to become wealthy:

11. Hard Work – This is the riskiest of the methods I suggest, and I only include it because I need eleven items to keep alive the Top 11 bit. I suppose if all else has failed you may as well give it a try, but you’ll most likely be disappointed with the results.

10. The Golden Parachute – It’s not just for CEOs anymore. Many jobs you may not have suspected offer lucrative separation packages. I especially recommend becoming a former public school superintendent.

9. Blogging – Just kidding!

8. Nepotism – You must have an uncle, cousin, or stepmother who can set you up as a corporate VP or something.

7. The Public Trough – George W. Bush and Dick Cheney have made defense contracting profitable again, but smaller budget items, like NPR, can be every bit as lucrative. Just ask Garrison Keillor.

6. Sports/Music/Entertainment – Sports stars, rock stars, and movie stars all pull down big bucks.

5. Newspaper Column Writing – But you better hurry, this gravy train has about run its course.

4. Currency Speculation – It worked for George Soros and he doesn’t strike me as the brightest bulb in the drawer. I might have to look into those Iraqi dinars.

3. UN graft – From a risk to reward standpoint, crime is usually a bad idea. The big exception is UN graft. The UN has so little oversight that the risk is almost nil, and we’re talking such large amounts of money that skimming even a tiny percentage can rapidly fill up a Swiss bank account.

2. Marrying Wealth – The favored method of John Kerry has a long and distinguished history, but the advent of the pre-nuptial agreement has made this option less attractive.

1. Inheritance – the old stand by, and my personal fave.


Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

Sisyphus, my good friend, your #10, Golden Parachutes didn't fully explore my favorite method of becoming rich: extreme incompetence. In todays litigious society, many companies will pay a fortune for someone who is in over their head to simply leave. While this works best when combined with nepotism, anyone achieving a position where they can cost their company hundreds of millions of dollars can pull this off.

9:41 PM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

NIGP, I don’t know how I could have missed extreme incompetence – it’s one of my favorites too. The beauty of it is that you can do it over and over again. You’d think that getting fired as CEO or head coach etc. for gross incompetence would kill your chances of ever working again – but no, others will line up to give you another chance.

3:20 PM  

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