Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Communiqué

TO: Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
FROM: You Know Who
SUBJECT: Everything is going according to plan

My Dear Neocon Minions,
Settle, my minions, settle. Things are still going according to plan. I’m beginning to think I would be better off with those meddling Kos Kids. No, no, of course not, but must I lay everything out for you? When have I ever done you wrong?

You complained about the anti-war movement gaining momentum. I gave you Cindy Sheehan to discredit it.

You complained of the blue voters in New Orleans costing us a Senate seat and Governorship in a Red state. I spread those blue voters harmlessly across the south.

You complained that Howard Dean was being quiet and that the Democrats weren’t doing anything blatantly, stupidly partisan. I gave you the great indicter, Ronnie Earle.

You complained that Halliburton did not make you enough money in the first term. I gave you a 58% increase since the beginning of the second term.

You complained of liberals on the Supreme Court. I gave you Chief Justice John Roberts.

Now you complain of Harriet Miers? Could it be that only Hugh Hewitt sees my master plan? You say she’s another Souter? I say: EXACTLY! Bwah ha ha ha! Bwah ha ha ha! Oh, don’t tell me you don’t see it! It is my true masterpiece – the culmination of years of evil conniving! Ahhh, very well, if I must, I will spell it out for you.

Heh, heh, heh, heh. The Democrats have no idea that soon the courts will be ours! We will have five votes to do our bidding. Heh, heh, heh, heh. You see, Miers will make Scalia look like Brennan. I’ve been grooming her for years – by the way, she’s 45, not 60 …Bwah, hah, hah, heh, heh.

But what is that you say? Even if Miers is a conservative, that only leaves four solid conservative votes? I beg to differ, let me count them out for you: Miers, Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, and … SOUTER. That’s right, I’ve ordered Souter to vote like a lib for the last few years just to lull the Democrats into a false sense of security (we didn’t need his vote in Bush vs. Gore, but it would have been there if we had). And now, with Miers on the court it is time for Souter to “ungrow” in office. Heh, heh, heh. Good-bye Roe vs. Wade and the Warren Court precedents. Hello a living-and-breathing interpretation of the 22nd Amendment and a third term! Hello seven more years of mandatory no-bid contracts for Halliburton!

So, come in off the ledge and get with the program!

YOUR MARCHING ORDERS:
You will support Harriet Miers – and like it!

Signed,
K

2 Comments:

Blogger drjonz said...

"That’s right, I’ve ordered Souter to vote like a lib for the last few years just to lull the Democrats into a false sense of security" - God I wish.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

Bravo! Bravo!

10:57 PM  

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