Thursday, July 14, 2005

Top 11 Better Ways to Get Rid of Chipmunks

Atomizer documents his attempts at eliminating chipmunks from the grounds of Balsawood. If only he would have asked me, I could have provided him the Top 11 Better Ways to Get Rid of Chipmunks:

11. Sculpt plastic explosives to look like squirrels, once chipmunks become accustomed to their presence, blow them up (h/t: Carl Spackler).
10. Blast Air America through their holes.
9. Blast Iron Maiden through their holes.
8. Eminent Domain
7. Kevin Ecker and his M1 Garand
6. Dress up as an attractive female chipmunk and lure them to the next block.
5. Bring in non-essential state employees to dig them out.
4. Invite Tom Cruise over to brainwash them into marrying him.
3. Have Senator Robert Byrd burn tiny little crosses in front of their holes.
2. Every time you see a chipmunk, ask him whether he knows Alvin from “Alvin and the Chipmunks”.
1. Convince Jimmy Carter that the chipmunks are actually killer rabbits coming right for him.


Blogger The Husband said...

i'm the real carl better recognize!

9:23 PM  

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